April 19th

I have been trying to avoid it. Not talk about. Maybe if I don't it will just go away. But it won't and now there is actually a date set. My poor little boy will be having surgery on April 19Th. Yes surgery. Not soon after Cole was born they discovered he had a mild case of hypospadias. I won't get into the details and if you do look it up be advised you may see some graphic pictures. Thankfully Cole's case is very mild, his pee pee hole is under on the tip not in the middle of the tip. That's my G rated way of describing it. It occurs in 1 of every 200 births.It is not painful and doesn't cause him any issues. The real issue is later in his life. It can cause fertility issues and stream issues. The only way to correct this is surgery. The specialist recommend to do it between 6-12months of age so we picked April. It's an in and out patient procedure but it requires him to go under for 2hrs. This is the part that scares the crap out of me. Cole will be almost 10months old and he will be going under?!? I get teary eyed just writing it. Only one of us is allowed to go back and hold his hand while they put him under, I want to be strong enough to be that one person. I fear I'm not. I don't want Cole to see me crying or upset before they take him away to surgery so I need to do lots of mental preparation to get ready for this day. I know this is a minor surgery and everything will be fine but seeing your child in any kind of discomfort is anguish to a parent. Maybe if I start talking about it now it will help me prepare to be strong and realize that this is the best thing for Cole and his future. Cole is a happy and resilient boy and this will only be a bump in the road during his first year of life. I'll just keep saying that till April 19Th.